Re-kindling My Relationship with Pink: a study on self-inflicted gender stereotypes
When I was younger, picking favorites—favorite foods, favorite books, favorite colors—was something I had a hard time doing.
Okay... that hasn't actually changed.
But in second grade, when everyone is asking you what you like to do for fun or what your favorite movie is and you have show-and-tell days or student-of-the-week showcases, it seems like all you talk about is favorites.
I'm currently reminded of the dread and anxiety of trying to figure out whatismyfavoritecolorandwhataremyfavoritethingstodoafterschool before it was my turn to introduce myself because, surprise, even as a Junior in college I am still having to do the favorites thing. Some things never change.
But some things do. Recently, looking around in my childhood bedroom—a room I will soon be moving out of, but am staying in to save money—I've noticed one thing that has changed since second grade: pink.
So much pink.
Against the white walls, white bookshelves, white furniture, pink floral patterns are scattered across my shelves. A pink crocheted blanket I've had since childhood is no longer hidden under some tacky patterned tie-blanket, but is folded at the edge of my bed and laid nicely over my cream quilt...which is dotted with embroidered florals in shades of pink. Pink roses sprout from a mason jar. A pink pin cushion cat rests against a pink photo album, which sits next to a book with a pink spine—a 1963 printing of Reader's Digest Best Sellers. My guitar and ukulele are in the corner, on top of a pink rug. I now own three pink purses, a pink denim jacket, pink ballet flats, and an ever-growing collection of new dresses and skirts in shades of pink. Suddenly, I'm 20 and I'm going through this 'pink' phase like a six-year-old girl.
But I never went through that phase at six years old. In fact, I stayed far away from that phase until now.
Photo creds by Daniel Inskeep (@danielinskeep) Model: Rachel Gulotta (@rachelgulotta)
There was a time when I wouldn't dare utter the word 'pink' in response to the favorite color question. There was a time when some 'girly' clothing was okay, but pink made things a little toogirly and that was not okay. For years, pink meant something wrong—something embarrassing, something that could make people think you are weak.
I wasn't weak. Sure, I did dance instead of sports and I had all sorts of 'girly' hobbies like drawing and playing with barbies...but I wasn't weak. And I sure as hell didn't like the color pink.
Purple was okay, in certain shades of course, and pastel blues and greens were a few aesthetically pleasing favorites.
And it was always so hard to answer that favorite color question.
Do I say purple even though it's not really my favorite? Do I say blue? Does that make me
seem like I'm trying too hard to be like the boys?
I wasn't even the 'tomboy' type...I just had something against the color pink.
It wasn't until recently, after I slowly became more comfortable with myself and my own interests over the course of a few years, that I started appreciating the color pink. It's a color worth appreciating... and it is just as aesthetically pleasing as the blues and greens I've always loved.
Thinking about how long it has taken me to feel okay about liking the color pink is frustrating, though. Society taught me, and all the boys I met throughout my younger years, that pink was inherently feminine...and that feminine was undesirable.
Are these things true? Of course not. At least, they shouldn't be. But we still live in a world where femininity is treated less respectfully than masculinity, and where pink-is-for-girls-and-blue-is-for-boys is a mantra that is relatively set in stone.
Luckily, lots of people are in the business of challenging those attitudes. More people are starting to bend the rules of the gender binary and challenge gendered stereotypes, which is setting a good example for young people as they discover their own personalities and interests. An open, accepting atmosphere around self-expression is the best way to teach children it's okay to like the things they like, dress the way they want to dress, and be the person they want to be.
Six-year-olds shouldn't be convinced that it's not okay to like the color pink.
Kids shouldn't be policing their own interests in order to fit into some predetermined box. It's harmful to their self-esteem. To this day, I still feel uncomfortable when asked about myself and my interests. Somehow, I feel like whatever I might say will be wrong, or that it will change what people think of me.
To this day, I'm still learning how to feel confident saying I love the color pink.
